For Immediate Release:

JODIE FOSTER ANNOUNCEMENT SHOCKS WORLD "Yes, John Hinckley," Exclaims Star, "At Long Last I Will Marrry You!"

The quaint, antebellum grounds of St. Elizabeth's Mental Hospital in Washington, D.C., are usually suffused with the blissful quietude of primrose vines and bougainvillea rustled by gentle Southern breezes.

But this famous sanitarium was the scene of a raucous media free-for-all just moments ago as actor Jodie Foster stunned the world with the announcement that, after almost a quarter-century of doubt, she would indeed finally accept Presidential assailant John Hinckley, Jr., as her husband.

"I doubted him these many years," sobbed Ms. Foster to a 500-strong gathering of the world's press, as the media brandished the largest phalanx of microphones and cameras seen in this century. "In fact, I'm afraid, I actually dismissed him as a failure."

"But, now that I know that his plan was sound all along, I totally understand and accept him," she continued. "To quote the Bard, there was a method to his madness. And I want to marry him, finally, and let him know that I appreciate what a true fan he is."

Hinckley, seemingly consigned to the ranks of trust fund failures that people upscale sanitariums these days, was elated.

"I remember, back when, trying to get word to my Jodie about how I had discovered what you might call 'the magic bullet,'" Hinckley explained to the throng of elite journalists. "I had perfected a homeopathic bullet that works slowly over time, and she didn't believe me then. But, as you can see, at last it finally worked."

Although many in the media reminded them that perhaps the bullet wasn't the cause of death, the couple held each other blissfully and seemed to be oblivious to shouted exclamations of their "shared state of denial."

"One other thing I wanted to clear up," continued Hinckley. "A lot of people say that I was inspired by Scorsese, but I was really inspired by the guy who discovered Scorcese, Roger Corman. You see, in his picture 'The St. Valentine's Day Massacre,' Jack Nicholson plays a hitman who says, 'You rub garlic on the bullet and that's what does ya in--garlic poisoning.' I tried to explain to Jodie that it takes a while but it works. I just thought that I'd clear that up for everyone. Corman, not Scorsese. In fact, I kinda owe an apology today to all you journalists and film buffs who covered the story. I've never even seen that movie 'Taxi Dancer.'"

Jodi Forster Announcement Shocks World

"Ahem...'Taxi Driver,' John ," Ms. Foster nudged him.

MORE>> "Oh, sorry, hon', 'Taxi Driver,' which we'll rent on our honeymoon, for sure." "Oh, John, you're so clever," Ms. Foster gently interrupted. "That whole garlic thing─it really

worked!"

Now that Mr. Hinckley is free to roam outside the grounds of St. Elizabeth's, the couple will get hitched as soon as they can find the "right preacher." "I want the old-fashioned kind of parson," said Hinckley. Asked what their plans would be after the nuptials, both exclaimed, as if on cue, "What else?

We're doing a Reality Series! It's going to be a real life "I Love Lucy!"

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